“Whenever I spend any time on me, I feel so guilty”
I hear this all the time from the amazing, hardworking women I work with.
Ever booked yourself a facial for some well deserved ‘me’ time… only to spend the entire facial feeling guilty you’re not hanging out with the kids or doing housework?
Thanks to a bunch of negative, guilty self-chatter, this ‘me time’ isn’t half as relaxing as you’d hoped it would be ?
Being full of guilt is a seriously crappy feeling. It’s a complex emotion, we often feel like guilt is a necessary part of life to be a ‘good’ person.
The thing is, guilt doesn’t serve you. Guilt usually turns into some form of negative talk… we beat ourselves up thinking:
‘Why did I leave at 5pm to take the gym class? I should’ve worked late to meet that deadline tomorrow. I suck at my job!’
This type of mental chatter on constant repeat is harmful. Guilt adds no value to your life; instead, it sucks the energy right out of you.
Guilt messes up the moment
When you’re doing what you want to do, but feeling super guilty about doing it, it takes away the purpose of doing that thing in the first place!
Let’s say you’ve taken some time out to meditate or get your hair done or have a facial but the whole time you’re doing it, you’re feeling swamped with guilt. You feel like you should be spending time with the kids, washing up, paying bills, working, whatever.
Guilt is totally messing up the moment. You can’t properly let go and enjoy this time of solitude, relaxation or fun because you’re stuck feeling like you should be doing something else.
When you take time out for you but feel guilty the whole time, you begin to think what’s the point in taking time out to feel good if it only makes me feel crappy! It reinforces that even a little self-care sets you off on guilt trip… so why bother next time?
Self-care is not selfish
Every time you avoid spending time on self-care or something that you enjoy, that you love, that give you energy; you’re taking something away from yourself. Trust me.
The truth is, getting enough ‘me’ time is essential if you want to be able to show up every day as the very best version of you.
When you’re running ragged and doing everything for everyone else, putting yourself last on the list, you’re not doing anyone any favours because you’re not fully present.
You’re with the kids thinking you should be doing the washing up. You’re on a big work presentation, wishing you were getting a facial. You’re with your husband worrying about what to make for dinner.
You’re never present in the moment.
To focus and be totally present, you need to take time for you. Getting grounded, centred, happy and positive only comes from having time to yourself.
You have to let go of that guilt and know that when you make time for yourself, you’re cultivating the very best version of you. You’ll actually be more present, feel energised and be better for everyone around you.
Get rid of guilt and you’ll get more done
The other thing is, when your mind is in positive, instead of negative, neutral, or stressed you actually perform so.much.better.
You’ll not only perform better at work, which is a huge bonus, but it also makes you more productive in everything you do around the house. When you’re feeling rested, positive and not guilty, you can say goodbye to procrastination!
Powering through your workload or list of chores quickly actually creates more time for you to be spending with your kids, your spouse and doing things you enjoy. All because you took some time out for you each day to get in the right mindset.
Is there actually any logic to your guilt?
Lynn is part of our 365+ Squad. She’s an incredible woman with an inspiring vision of how she’d like to change the world.
She’s working on an amazing program helping PhD students who are under a lot of stress. She teaches them self care and self love to help them get through the intensity of a PhD in a really happy, sane way. This is Lynn’s absolute passion project.
But she tells me she feels guilty spending time on this instead of with her husband, with her kids, working out, etc. All of these different things she felt like she should be doing. Absolutely those things are important too, but she shouldn’t be feeling guilty about working a project that lights her up and is going to change the lives of thousands, if not millions, of people.
She’s holding back, not fully throwing herself into the project because she feels this guilt about investing her time in it. She’s feeling guilty for doing something that’s going to impact the lives of so many people in such an amazing way.
Guilt is telling her she needs to spend time in other, more productive or important ways. Is that logical? It’s like when you feel guilty taking a break from a hectic schedule to go for a run, walk or do some yoga. Feeling guilty about that is crazy! You’re simply trying to stay healthy.
You won’t be able to be there for your kids or your spouse or anyone else, if you’re not taking care of yourself.
Bottom line; guilt isn’t helping you in any way, shape or form. Let go of guilt and watch yourself fly in terms of positivity, productivity, and presence!
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